Quote:
Originally Posted by MKSixer
It's not about pre-empting anyone else's behavior as we cannot control others. It is about having every possible tool to manage behavior in case the situation occurs.
Your parallelism between an intrinsic attribute of a human being vs externally acquired items is a bit thin, IMHO. I mean no offense to you.
The parallelism about noses or weight or stature is still a bit thin but better. Unfortunately the leading bits of ugliness in our country still resides around race. This is on both sides. The decision to use something so charged as race in this manner beggars belief.
Great response and I'm enjoying the discourse!
Cheers-mk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MKSixer
Thanks for taking the time and to your earlier point, we were discussing the finer points of this and not in complete disagreement. I see it from your point that it may be more comfortable to live without thinking of this odious behavior but I don't have that luxury.
I have really enjoyed this discussion and hope we can have more on BP OT of this nature. Respectful discourse.
Cheers-mk
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Awesome, thanks for being available for this discussion to happen. It is still related to the "bad dates" topic? Hopefully! Sorry for thread jacking!
Was that you that said your dad told you you were dealt a bad hand, play the game with it? I thought that was very inspirational and I remember it constantly.
I am sorry we have to live in a world where people try to inflict harm in some way or the other. Racism should have no place in this world, but I acknowledge it does, and I too experience it to some extent, which saddens me but we have to carry on.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, hard as they are. They are insightful and help us all think about how we act and react to these unfortunate episodes.
I'll try to bring the topic back on track if we digressed:
- Remember my BPD date? So I she simply ghosted me for like 3 weeks.
She had called me a narcissist as she claimed our relationship had started in a fashion too similar to a previous relationship she had had with a narcissist 3 years ago, which "broke her soul". Mind you, she's 37. She had told me her mother had some mental illness and was not around (she was raised by her dad, and her mom lived in another city far away).
I researched a lot about narcissism and how that is ingrained in you from how you're raised... Unlikely to become a narcissist or have your "soul broken" by one in your 30s... I for one am not broken now by her. Hurt, sure, but not broken.
In any case, I showed her how she was hurting me with stuff she was actually DOING to me, and asked her what I had done to her. She said I had not done anything, but because everything was TOO GOOD, she feared I'd turn and hurt her in the future. I laughed at first, but then realized she was referring by her ghosting of other people and stuff.
Long story short, I studied a lot about this (and that is why I asked our fellow member to share a bit more about his borderline personality disorder relationship) and learned a lot, and actually found a video of a girl that, through therapy, realized she had BPD (she had no sense of self, was always sad, felt people would abandon her, etc. all the same as my "girlfriend"). I sent that to her to see if we could talk about it, that she wasn't abandoned, that I cared for her. No response.
SO I decide to ask her via text if she'd be open to meeting last Friday. She replied saying she had no intention of ever meeting with me again, and that I should refrain from attempting any contact with her.
I had only reached out because I still cared for her, missed her, and would truly be willing to go through her betterment/therapy to make her happy (she is not happy, and has not been forever).
In these 3 weeks that she basically ghosted me, she visited my LinkedIn profile (to see if I had gotten another job in another city), my Facebook profile, answered an online Ad I had posted renting my apartment (asking if I had moved cities), and then sent me a text asking if I had moved cities. Basically "stalking me" to see where I had gone. She could've just called and asked how I was doing or something humane.
Long story long (LOL), I replied to her "never contact me again" with "You were the one stalking me, but OK. Why would you even stalk me to see where I ended up online, as asked if I had moved cities..." and immediately BLOCKED her number from my phone, and e-mail.
Saturday morning (yesterday) I get a call from the police saying that if I contact her again they would proceed with criminal charges!
I told the guy: "I'm fully aware, and I blocked her and I hope she stops stalking me as she has been doing, and I had to block her in every online social media/app I had, that I too would like to pursue charges if she did".
I have to hand it to her though: I always said that "ghosting" is inappropriate, the humane thing is to have an adult conversation and say what you want. "I don't want to continue this relationship because of A, B, and C."
The police call was the closure I needed. The bitch can die now.
From now on I'll be much more careful when engaging with women, I have had many bad experiences, but this one takes the cake of the crazy.