Quote:
Originally Posted by grimlock
If you just can't get joy out of life, then you are depressed - you lay in bed and don't want to do anything because there is no motivation of payoff so why bother.
But if you are experiencing PAIN, then you may consider actually ending your life - because ever second of living with it is too much - whatever enjoyment you get from doing anything is dwarfed by the thing that is bothering you.
I believe if you can see it in these terms, understand what goes on in the reasoning that may be hidden to you inside you head, then you may see it 'objectively' and can pull yourself out of it.
The main issue is PAIN. This is what is making you feel like ending it. All pain has a source, identifying where it comes from is the tricky part. But if you accept that the way you feel has a reason a SOURCE, then you can already see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The rest is psychology/self-discovery work.
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Your aim is pretty good. Like you said, I have to identify the source of pain I am experiencing. That's what the problem is. I am aware that my situation in not bad at all.
I have a decent paying job, my physical health is great (mental health not so much) lol, and I am pretty responsible so i don't have to rely on others in order to maintain my lifestyle.
I think my problem is that I am just tired. Self awareness and enlightenment have always been priority for me for as long as I can remember. It can just take it's toll when dealing with the reality of doing and going through taxing experiences as Soldier for many, many years. I'm in a positon where I have to bear the responsibility for many others, so I tend to neglect myself more and more, in order to ensure the happiness and well being of everyone else, professionally, and personally.
At the risk of revealing the nerd in me, over the years, I have named this feeling the "Spider-Man Complex". Basically, the act of sacrificing one's needs and wants in order to put everyone else in a better place, all the while being treated or regarded as a problem/nuisance/bother or "asshole" gets tiring, and make the individual think about quitting.
I know I cannot quit. It really isn't in my nature. So I will find the strength to continue the fight, and I definitely appreciate all of the strength you all have given me to realize that moving forward is the only way to not stay stuck in the past.
Thank you all.
Sorry this thread got so off topic. This was supposed to be a thread where we could all come and share a laugh, or a cry depending on what kind of drunk we turn into on any given day, and I hope it gets back on track!
