So, that model year was part of the NA battery cable recall. I'd check to see whether the UK had any related recalls. It's the "every conceivable light on" part that caught my attention - that's what my car was doing, and the fuse panel was fried.
Regardless of the recall, given the symptoms I wouldn't mess around - get the car to a dealer pronto.
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1M. Previously: '13 135is; '07 E90 335i; '02 325i; '99 Z3; '98 328is; '87 L6; '77 320i
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