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OK so I contributed $32 to the cause and learned how the seat belt sensor works. Far be it for our friends at BMW to design a simple mechanical switch that closes when the seat belt buckle is inserted! Instead, their clearly superior design uses a magnet and a Hall effect sensor that detects a change in the magnetic field when the ferrous buckle is inserted between them.
Time for Plan B. It's apparently impossible to purchase a seat belt buckle without the rest of the seat belt, so I found an old steel plate that I subjected to my limited metalworking skills to fabricate a fake buckle. Witness Exhibit A. I successfully confirmed that inserting this monstrosity into the seatbelt clip allows the seat heater to come on when using remote start. So I will need to remember to insert it into the clip when exiting the car if I want seat heat for my next remote start.
Meanwhile, I'll be happy to share more details on the BMW seat belt sensor if anybody would like to have a go at a more elegant solution.
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