[MKSixer]

So...

Made a connection on Match about a week ago. She is highly educated, 5'-4", 117#, 38 years old and lives about 3.5 hours away. She's from South Louisiana and Creole like me so when we finally spoke earlier this week, the first thing we did was the entire genealogy discussion to make certain we weren't related. It may seem funny but I actually met someone that was a cousin and we had to break off our conversation.

We have spoken for the past 4 nights and it's been very comfortable and easy. We are planning on meeting in two weeks to see how everything goes.

I will keep everyone posted.

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Sara504

It's tonight! For once, I'm nervous and that doesn't happen with me.

Awesome! You have my number for rescue!!

[Sara]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

Awesome! You have my number for rescue!!

I do?? Did you PM it to me? I don't see it in the recent messages.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

So...

Made a connection on Match about a week ago. She is highly educated, 5'-4", 117#, 38 years old and lives about 3.5 hours away. She's from South Louisiana and Creole like me so when we finally spoke earlier this week, the first thing we did was the entire genealogy discussion to make certain we weren't related. It may seem funny but I actually met someone that was a cousin and we had to break off our conversation.

We have spoken for the past 4 nights and it's been very comfortable and easy. We are planning on meeting in two weeks to see how everything goes.

I will keep everyone posted.

3.5 hours away?? Are either of you willing to relocate before you get attached?

[aliiin]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

So...

Made a connection on Match about a week ago. She is highly educated, 5'-4", 117#, 38 years old and lives about 3.5 hours away. She's from South Louisiana and Creole like me so when we finally spoke earlier this week, the first thing we did was the entire genealogy discussion to make certain we weren't related. It may seem funny but I actually met someone that was a cousin and we had to break off our conversation.

We have spoken for the past 4 nights and it's been very comfortable and easy. We are planning on meeting in two weeks to see how everything goes.

I will keep everyone posted.

Hm, nice good luck. Do you like the match platform?

People can't keep convos going naturally, like why bother if I took the time to write a thoughtful response and you just respond with one word answers...

It's been endless swiping left for me recently.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by aliiin

Hm, nice good luck. Do you like the match platform?

People can't keep convos going naturally, like why bother if I took the time to write a thoughtful response and you just respond with one word answers...

It's been endless swiping left for me recently.

It’s not that they aren’t interested, just busy at the moment. I have about 15+ conversations that I need to get back to, but they’re going to have to be patient with me. They can’t honestly think they’re the only person I’m talking to. That being said, as soon as I can give them my time, I’ll continue the conversation. Sometimes that’s a couple of days, or a week or two. I’m busy. I have a job, I have a young child, I have friends, I have family, I have horses, I have my own hobbies that all come before some dating app.

My point is, those women all have lives they are living and if they matched you, they are interested. If my phone happens to be in my hand while I’m trouble shooting my stupid Dyson vacuum problems and I see your long, thoughtful message come across, I’ll most likely stop and read it and send a super quick reply and then get back to trouble shooting my Dyson and finishing my cleaning.
Just be patient.

Just don’t be the guy who sends 8 different messages on 6 different days trying to get a response, that’s a turn off.

[Tambohamilton]

For me that wouldn't be good enough. If a match can't find the odd 5 mins a few times a day to reply to my message(s), how is she going to make time for me to go on dates etc etc?

[aliiin]

Originally Posted by Sara504

It’s not that they aren’t interested, just busy at the moment. I have about 15+ conversations that I need to get back to, but they’re going to have to be patient with me. They can’t honestly think they’re the only person I’m talking to. That being said, as soon as I can give them my time, I’ll continue the conversation. Sometimes that’s a couple of days, or a week or two. I’m busy. I have a job, I have a young child, I have friends, I have family, I have horses, I have my own hobbies that all come before some dating app.

My point is, those women all have lives they are living and if they matched you, they are interested. If my phone happens to be in my hand while I’m trouble shooting my stupid Dyson vacuum problems and I see your long, thoughtful message come across, I’ll most likely stop and read it and send a super quick reply and then get back to trouble shooting my Dyson and finishing my cleaning.
Just be patient.

Just don’t be the guy who sends 8 different messages on 6 different days trying to get a response, that’s a turn off.

I agree to an extent, we all have lives. Everyone is busy, but if you're on a dating app I don't think it's too hard to spare a few minutes out of your day to respond. If you can't make time now, how will you make time when you're actually together? You'll make time for something that's important to you no matter how busy you are, IMO.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

For me that wouldn't be good enough. If a match can't find the odd 5 mins a few times a day to reply to my message(s), how is she going to make time for me to go on dates etc etc?

That's the thing. You aren't the only one. If I had to make a minimum of 5 minutes per person of matches that I have, that's over an hour of me just sitting there on my phone after I worked a full day and still have things in the evening I need to do. It ain't happening. Right now I have two guys that I make time for throughout the day, the rest I'm sure are great guys also, but at the moment my plate is full. I am a hell of a catch myself, but I'm not rushing to find a white dress and spending every free moment I have glued to my phone. That's not healthy. If it doesn't work out with either of the two I'm most interested in right now, I'll go back through my matches and select someone else to converse with throughout the day. Keep in mind, that number is constantly growing as I'm getting new likes every day from guys that I haven't had time to check their profiles out. Take a number and wait your turn. My life comes before any dating app and I'm sure a lot of women think like I do.

So it's not that you're not worth 5 minutes of her time, it's that she's probably extremely busy at the moment and when she can, she'll get to you.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by aliiin

I agree to an extent, we all have lives. Everyone is busy, but if you're on a dating app I don't think it's too hard to spare a few minutes out of your day to respond. If you can't make time now, how will you make time when you're actually together? You'll make time for something that's important to you no matter how busy you are, IMO.

How many matches do you have? I'm curious. Do you actively message them all every single day?

[aliiin]

Originally Posted by Sara504

How many matches do you have? I'm curious. Do you actively message them all every single day?

Bumble - 3
Tinder - 2
Coffee Meets Bagel - 4
Match - 2

I don't message them everyday. I just respond when I can and when I see they have responded (which is usually daily). I also don't double text or play games. If you haven't responded then I just leave it alone because like you said, people have lives and they'll get to shit when they get to shit. I guess I have a lot of time on my hands?

[Sara]

Originally Posted by aliiin

Bumble - 3
Tinder - 2
Coffee Meets Bagel - 4
Match - 2

I don't message them everyday. I just respond when I can and when I see they have responded (which is usually daily). I also don't double text or play games. If you haven't responded then I just leave it alone because like you said, people have lives and they'll get to shit when they get to shit. I guess I have a lot of time on my hands?

See on Hinge alone I’ve got 17 matches with conversations and 9 more likes waiting for me to view their profile. On Bumble I’ve got 50+ matches waiting on me and 12 active conversations, was 13 but one deleted me since I couldn’t make time...

It’s just too much for me to reply to everyone everyday and work full time, and be a mom, and go to the gym, and be a horse owner, and go out with my girlfriends... whew.

So you’re here thinking I’m ignoring you, when I’m really trying not to overwhelm myself and delete everyone all at once. That would be a lose lose situation for you and me.

[aliiin]

I think this conversation turned into another conversation

What my intent was saying how someone replies with one word answers when I write thoughtful responses. It's like they don't know how to converse, are socially awkward, can't hold a conversation, don't really care, or something else?

[Sara]

Originally Posted by aliiin

I think this conversation turned into another conversation

What my intent was saying how someone replies with one word answers when I write thoughtful responses. It's like they don't know how to converse, are socially awkward, can't hold a conversation, don't really care, or something else?

See I was getting at a one word response may just be they’re doing something else on their phone and in real life (like me earlier) but want to acknowledge your thoughtful memo with a super quick one word reply.

I think I turned it into a whole other monster lol. Sorry!!!

[aliiin]

Originally Posted by Sara504

See I was getting at a one word response may just be they’re doing something else on their phone and in real life (like me earlier) but want to acknowledge your thoughtful memo with a super quick one word reply.

I think I turned it into a whole other monster lol. Sorry!!!

Haha all good, thanks for your perspective.

Now, stop taking time to respond to a random on bimmerpost and get back to your matches

[Sara]

Originally Posted by aliiin

Haha all good, thanks for your perspective.

Now, stop taking time to respond to a random on bimmerpost and get back to your matches

I have a date tonight with one of them! Everyone on Hinge and Bumble are on hold until I see if I like this guy or not lol



I’m so nervous

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Sara504

I do?? Did you PM it to me? I don't see it in the recent messages.

Yes, Goofball. Here it comes again!



Edit: No placement of my number on the girls bathroom wall or in the stalls. I have a reputation to consider!!

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Sara504

I have a date tonight with one of them! Everyone on Hinge and Bumble are on hold until I see if I like this guy or not lol



I’m so nervous

You'll be fine.

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by Sara504

First date I've ever been on wearing pants and also long sleeves It's going to be in the 50's tonight. I've never not worn a dress or a pencil skirt on a first date. I'm getting to the age where I'd rather be comfortable than cold Showing my age now.


Heading out!

You look amazing!

If he acts stupid, he's a complete idiot of epic proportions! Good luck!!

[aliiin]

I see why you get all the matches now, looking good!

Good luck!

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by Sara504

See on Hinge alone I’ve got 17 matches with conversations and 9 more likes waiting for me to view their profile. On Bumble I’ve got 50+ matches waiting on me and 12 active conversations, was 13 but one deleted me since I couldn’t make time...

It’s just too much for me to reply to everyone everyday and work full time, and be a mom, and go to the gym, and be a horse owner, and go out with my girlfriends... whew.

So you’re here thinking I’m ignoring you, when I’m really trying not to overwhelm myself and delete everyone all at once. That would be a lose lose situation for you and me.

OK, this gives some perspective!

No response or super slow response (days/weeks) would have me thinking that I'm not #1 choice or close to it and I'd move on. Potentially a loss for both sides...

But this is very much hypothetical anyhow; met my current partner on Tinder. She matched me and messaged straight away

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by Sara504

See on Hinge alone I’ve got 17 matches with conversations and 9 more likes waiting for me to view their profile. On Bumble I’ve got 50+ matches waiting on me and 12 active conversations, was 13 but one deleted me since I couldn’t make time...

It’s just too much for me to reply to everyone everyday and work full time, and be a mom, and go to the gym, and be a horse owner, and go out with my girlfriends... whew.

So you’re here thinking I’m ignoring you, when I’m really trying not to overwhelm myself and delete everyone all at once. That would be a lose lose situation for you and me.

As far as I see, this only backs up my statement that it's not worth me making the effort at all.

You have many matches, and you're only conversing with a few - most likely those who are photogenic and come across well (especially Bumble, where you have to message first). You pick and choose who you allocate your time to based on their looks in their pictures, and the eloquence of their messages.

And I should clarify, whilst I say "you", I'm applying this to women in general - not just you personally.

Unless I underwent major cosmetic surgery that I'm not even sure is possible, I will not be photogenic. And I'm not a smooth talker either. I'm a shy introvert, conversations with strangers are very difficult until I start to learn their true passions and interests. I hate small talk with a passion, but it's necessary to get to know someone.

So when it comes to spending your time to reply to me, I'm pretty much last resort - you have nobody better looking or more eloquent to talk to, so I'm it. Which pretty much means I won't hear from you. Ever. And that's if we matched in the first place, which we wouldn't.

I have a grand total of 5 matches over 2 apps. One went to Florida in November, said she'd be in touch when she got back mid December. One has made no effort to make conversation since January - I asked her a lot about herself, she answered - when I stop asking, she stops talking. Don't think she ever once asked me a question about anything. And the remaining 3 I sent an initial message to, and have not heard a word in over 3 months.

Should I keep waiting until they find themselves so bored they reduce themselves to me, or just cut them off now and unmatch?

Therein lies the difference for males and females in dating apps, and that's why I cannot be bothered any more. If I am ever to meet someone, it will be in person the old fashioned way, because then at least I know if I speak words to your face and you do not respond, you're not worth speaking to.