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      10-26-2014, 12:02 AM   #309
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samurai of 2day View Post
This is my first time posting on this thread, but I have been trolling on bummer post for a lobg time now.

Tonight is the first time I have been drunk for a long time, even thought I during all weekend every weekend.

I have been visiting this thread once Ina while for a while and I decided to post for the first time because I am drunk for the first time without company to distract me.

The golck 30 ikeep under my bed is calling to me. I have suffers loss a few too many times, and I have thinking about this for as long as I can remember.

I think the only reason I haven't taken myself out yet is because maybe I'm too scared to do it, or strong Ugh not to. Not sure which one.

I won't do it toning, because I have to do Lau dry tomorrow, but more and more I'm realizing that there is no need for me to stay here. Truth be told, I NEVER belonged here tobegin with. Should ojust be a man and go through with it, pe continue to go through themotinons until the next deployment or caged decides that motorcyclists done deserve to be on the road or some knuckhead decides that whT I have in. Y pocket is worth a life sentence? Of course I'm not so fluid with my thought? But I'm drinking and no company to keep me occupied and I was looking pictures of cars on this forum that I would never be able to have so I'm torn betewwn my normal thoughts and thought of hope for what is the reason why e work so hRd when no one appreciates what we do... unless it sounds nice to say we support the troops or thank you for your service when at the same time the ones who are SUPPOSED to stick with you always turn their back on you.

Forgive the rant. I will Ben
Better tomorrow, wetber I pull the trigger ot not.
Dude, don't go that route... Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem. Just look at the bright side of things and count your blessings. My best friend is a 13F in the Army, and as soon as I get my ass in gear I'm thinking of joining the USAF... But don't let anybody tell you that your service is unappreciated, and the ones that don't appreciate it ignorantly think your absence things are going to be "OK"... They just don't realize that if it wasn't for you or even possibly the butterfly effect thereof, that some crazed Islamic extremist would continue to wreak havoc on US soil, or the area next to their house could be your next AO if it wasn't kept in check.

I lost my pops to suicide and believe me, as much as he thinks "nobody would give a shit if he died" it's fucking hard and the most selfish, coward thing a normally strong person can do. I still have nightmares about him even as short as a week ago, and it's been a year and 4 months since he aimed a sawed-off at his head, and while he was alive and had depression, it was so bad that I pointed my USP .45 at myself, but sold it when I realized what the hell I was about to do.

I look forward to seeing you alive, don't do this.
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      10-26-2014, 12:07 AM   #310
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I will kill if no internet. Storm took it, and its okay, Audi would share its. ....if the idiot had renewed its plan, but it doesn't need it since "you've never used a nav in your life, why would I keep paying for it?"

This isn't a drunken rant yet. Gimme a few minutes and I'll add to it. Lol
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      10-26-2014, 07:47 AM   #311
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samurai of 2day View Post
This is my first time posting on this thread, but I have been trolling on bummer post for a lobg time now.

Tonight is the first time I have been drunk for a long time, even thought I during all weekend every weekend.

I have been visiting this thread once Ina while for a while and I decided to post for the first time because I am drunk for the first time without company to distract me.

The golck 30 ikeep under my bed is calling to me. I have suffers loss a few too many times, and I have thinking about this for as long as I can remember.

I think the only reason I haven't taken myself out yet is because maybe I'm too scared to do it, or strong Ugh not to. Not sure which one.

I won't do it toning, because I have to do Lau dry tomorrow, but more and more I'm realizing that there is no need for me to stay here. Truth be told, I NEVER belonged here tobegin with. Should ojust be a man and go through with it, pe continue to go through themotinons until the next deployment or caged decides that motorcyclists done deserve to be on the road or some knuckhead decides that whT I have in. Y pocket is worth a life sentence? Of course I'm not so fluid with my thought? But I'm drinking and no company to keep me occupied and I was looking pictures of cars on this forum that I would never be able to have so I'm torn betewwn my normal thoughts and thought of hope for what is the reason why e work so hRd when no one appreciates what we do... unless it sounds nice to say we support the troops or thank you for your service when at the same time the ones who are SUPPOSED to stick with you always turn their back on you.

Forgive the rant. I will Ben
Better tomorrow, wetber I pull the trigger ot not.
Trust me, it's not worth it. Things may seem shitty (especially with depression), and it probably seems hard to find joy in anything. You may feel completely alone most of the time, but truth be told, you're not. I've thought about suicide a couple of times in the past. But when you break everything down, it just isn't worth it. Hell, you can always drop everything and just go live out in nature or travel by foot/car/whatever across the nation. Meet new people, enjoy the beauty in this world. Or find a new career path, find new things to do in your current career. Try new things. Make a list of all of the things that are awesome in life, things you can possibly do. Take up a new sport or hobby. There are literally so many good things and great experiences out there, but if you take your own life away, you'll never ever get the chance to do those things.

One of my former best friends comitted suicide earlier this year. And even though we had fallen out a couple of years back, it still hit me pretty damn hard and made me re-evaluate everything. He had so many opportunities, so many people who cared about him, whether he knew or believed it or not. Life is so precious. And I guarantee you that no matter what you're going through now, it is only temporary. And you've got plenty of good times and experiences coming your way, whether you know it or not.
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      10-26-2014, 12:43 PM   #312
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Originally Posted by NEFARIOUS View Post
Dude, don't go that route... Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem. Just look at the bright side of things and count your blessings. My best friend is a 13F in the Army, and as soon as I get my ass in gear I'm thinking of joining the USAF... But don't let anybody tell you that your service is unappreciated, and the ones that don't appreciate it ignorantly think your absence things are going to be "OK"... They just don't realize that if it wasn't for you or even possibly the butterfly effect thereof, that some crazed Islamic extremist would continue to wreak havoc on US soil, or the area next to their house could be your next AO if it wasn't kept in check.

I lost my pops to suicide and believe me, as much as he thinks "nobody would give a shit if he died" it's fucking hard and the most selfish, coward thing a normally strong person can do. I still have nightmares about him even as short as a week ago, and it's been a year and 4 months since he aimed a sawed-off at his head, and while he was alive and had depression, it was so bad that I pointed my USP .45 at myself, but sold it when I realized what the hell I was about to do.

I look forward to seeing you alive, don't do this.
Thank you, NEFARIOUS. I really appreciate you talking me off the ledge and sharing your personal story. I am sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family are finding support from each other during the difficult times.You are absolutely right about the end result when it comes to suicide.

I agree with you when you say that it is ultimately selfish and cowardly to take ones own life. I understand that victory cannot be obtained by falling on your own sword. Like your dad, I have known other good men to take their own lives over the years. I always keep the thoughts to myself, but secretly I understood how someone could make the choice to end it.

I definitely know that things could always be worse, and I will have to find a way to pull myself out of the hole I seem to be stuck in. Thanks once again for taking the time to offer a helping hand. I spend so much of my time tending to others, but its good to know that there are people like you that would do the same for an anonymous stranger on the internet.
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      10-26-2014, 12:57 PM   #313
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Originally Posted by Revartr View Post
Trust me, it's not worth it. Things may seem shitty (especially with depression), and it probably seems hard to find joy in anything. You may feel completely alone most of the time, but truth be told, you're not. I've thought about suicide a couple of times in the past. But when you break everything down, it just isn't worth it. Hell, you can always drop everything and just go live out in nature or travel by foot/car/whatever across the nation. Meet new people, enjoy the beauty in this world. Or find a new career path, find new things to do in your current career. Try new things. Make a list of all of the things that are awesome in life, things you can possibly do. Take up a new sport or hobby. There are literally so many good things and great experiences out there, but if you take your own life away, you'll never ever get the chance to do those things.

One of my former best friends comitted suicide earlier this year. And even though we had fallen out a couple of years back, it still hit me pretty damn hard and made me re-evaluate everything. He had so many opportunities, so many people who cared about him, whether he knew or believed it or not. Life is so precious. And I guarantee you that no matter what you're going through now, it is only temporary. And you've got plenty of good times and experiences coming your way, whether you know it or not.
Thank you, Revartr. You sharing your own thoughts and personal experience and struggle with life really goes a long way in helping others during their struggles.

I have thought about exactly what you mentioned like dropping everything and going to a secluded location in some random part of the world. Not sure what has been stopping me from doing that...

Even in the past when thinking of committing the act, I still took pleasure in the little things like music, driving/riding my training and my very small circle of friends. Not sure what happened, but now I don't get excited about the things I used to enjoy and subconsciously I seemed to have separated myself from everyone. Of course I still go to work but that's about it. It takes so much strength and energy just to walk out my door in the morning.

When I have a friend/company during a weekend when I'm not working, I only accept the company because they basically insist on coming over. Lovely ladies, but if they decided to stop seeing me, I really don't care one way or the other.

I will consider your advice and maybe look into something new that may trigger a motive to start enjoying myself. Thanks once again for taking the time to acknowledge my struggle. Mentally and physically I'm your typical loner/tough guy that never asks for help, but you definitely provided me with a helping hand in my time of need. Thank you.
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      10-26-2014, 01:41 PM   #314
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Hey man, sorry I didn't get to reply in a more timely manner. Glad to see you're ok and here today. Just know that we are here for you. Before you do anything, please talk to us. You are always more than welcome to PM and we can try to work through what's going on.

Be strong, my friend. Fight and don't give up. And, please, recognize and accept the value that those around you see in you.
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      10-26-2014, 03:43 PM   #315
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samurai of 2day View Post
Thank you, NEFARIOUS. I really appreciate you talking me off the ledge and sharing your personal story. I am sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family are finding support from each other during the difficult times.You are absolutely right about the end result when it comes to suicide.

I agree with you when you say that it is ultimately selfish and cowardly to take ones own life. I understand that victory cannot be obtained by falling on your own sword. Like your dad, I have known other good men to take their own lives over the years. I always keep the thoughts to myself, but secretly I understood how someone could make the choice to end it.

I definitely know that things could always be worse, and I will have to find a way to pull myself out of the hole I seem to be stuck in. Thanks once again for taking the time to offer a helping hand. I spend so much of my time tending to others, but its good to know that there are people like you that would do the same for an anonymous stranger on the internet.
Most definitely glad to help... If I feel that I can prevent one more person from ending their lives since I wasn't able to help my dad prevent that fate, I'm glad to lend a helping hand. Personally, if I told you even 2 incidents that I'm going through right now, you'd probably say "holy crap, at least I'm not that guy" ...

But all it takes is perseverance and having faith that things will get better, and all you gotta do is reach out for assistance; people aren't as careless as you think. Just when I thought shit hit the fan, there's even people I haven't talked to in 3 years that came around to help and even gave me money for survival since my job is behind on giving me my payroll and I've already taken out 2 payday advances just to make sure my car isn't repo'd and to have food on the table.

...But sometimes, things happen for a reason, and your silver lining may just be around the corner, and like the point I was trying to make earlier, there's always going to be someone that may have a worse situation, so count your blessings... I highly recommend watching The Secret, which has gotten me out of my worst binds before, and my tip to anybody is to think positively towards the wisdom and/or strength to get out of your situation, not sitting around and hoping something will fall into your lap, unless it's just the strength to persevere through a bad memory (but it'll still come back to that). Also remember; any event in life is always neutral. Sometimes it's not what happens, but it's your reaction and what's done about it, and what happened in the past doesn't always shape your present (wish I can tell the credit bureau that ).

Feel free to PM me at anytime. If my phone was working right now I'd even let you call/text, even if it's 3AM.
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      10-26-2014, 04:25 PM   #316
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Samurai of 2day

I can't pretend to know what you might have gone through, or are going through, but I think it's normal for many of us to feel depressed from time to time and possibly relate on some level to another's plight. And it's always transient, it passes, and when we look back at those tough times, we are triumphant in that we got past them and moved on to start new chapters in life and new adventures and new passions.

On a serious side note, if you're constantly or frequently feeling like you might do something that everyone who loves you will regret, my recommendation is to remove the item you mentioned is under your bed which can possibly be used to do this bidding (and any other similar items) and place them in a safety deposit box, and do not retrieve them until you've conquered such feelings.

If I may recommend an interesting and enlightening book about perseverance in the face of a peril which I would think puts most anyone to shame regarding their own tribulations, please check out the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl, if you haven't already read it. If you have, read it again.

Always know no matter what you provide value to other people. You may not even know it but it is always true, big or small. Even on a forum in OT you provide value to others. I always enjoy reading your posts and hope to continue to have the privilege of doing so.

We all get dealt some bad cards in life from time to time. The test of character and what makes us who we are is how we respond, deal with, and learn from those experiences. Whatever it is, I can promise you that you will get through it, and as others have stated, your time will come. You will find joy and meaning. And you will look back and think, "how could I have even considered that?"
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      10-26-2014, 07:55 PM   #317
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samurai of 2day View Post
Thank you, Revartr. You sharing your own thoughts and personal experience and struggle with life really goes a long way in helping others during their struggles.

I have thought about exactly what you mentioned like dropping everything and going to a secluded location in some random part of the world. Not sure what has been stopping me from doing that...

Even in the past when thinking of committing the act, I still took pleasure in the little things like music, driving/riding my training and my very small circle of friends. Not sure what happened, but now I don't get excited about the things I used to enjoy and subconsciously I seemed to have separated myself from everyone. Of course I still go to work but that's about it. It takes so much strength and energy just to walk out my door in the morning.

When I have a friend/company during a weekend when I'm not working, I only accept the company because they basically insist on coming over. Lovely ladies, but if they decided to stop seeing me, I really don't care one way or the other.

I will consider your advice and maybe look into something new that may trigger a motive to start enjoying myself. Thanks once again for taking the time to acknowledge my struggle. Mentally and physically I'm your typical loner/tough guy that never asks for help, but you definitely provided me with a helping hand in my time of need. Thank you.
I've been in a similar spot, though probably not the same. Hell, I've been a bit of a loner as of late. Aside from hitting up a bar with a couple of friends every now and then, I mostly just go home, get drunk, and watch tv. But I try to take pleasure in my tipsiness from liquor, tasty food, and humorous television. But sometimes that can only go so far or in some cases make it worse. Try spending more time in nature. Today, for instance, I went out on a long hike out in some deep woods, brought some cold beer (and plenty of water) with me, found a nice spot on the river, and just sat on the edge and relaxed. Take it all in, how beautiful the world we live in is, saw a few deer, cracked a couple of beers, etc. It truly is an awesome experience.

On a side note, one thing that I do believe can go a long, long way is an animal companion. It's always lovely to come home to a happy animal buddy (personally, I prefer dogs). One reason, I'll be happy to move out of this place.
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      10-26-2014, 08:46 PM   #318
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deep stuff here, good to see this is more than just a forum.


we can all provide something to someone.
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      10-27-2014, 12:23 AM   #319
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If you just can't get joy out of life, then you are depressed - you lay in bed and don't want to do anything because there is no motivation of payoff so why bother.
But if you are experiencing PAIN, then you may consider actually ending your life - because ever second of living with it is too much - whatever enjoyment you get from doing anything is dwarfed by the thing that is bothering you.
I believe if you can see it in these terms, understand what goes on in the reasoning that may be hidden to you inside you head, then you may see it 'objectively' and can pull yourself out of it.
The main issue is PAIN. This is what is making you feel like ending it. All pain has a source, identifying where it comes from is the tricky part. But if you accept that the way you feel has a reason a SOURCE, then you can already see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The rest is psychology/self-discovery work.
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      10-27-2014, 08:03 AM   #320
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 954Stealth View Post
Hey man, sorry I didn't get to reply in a more timely manner. Glad to see you're ok and here today. Just know that we are here for you. Before you do anything, please talk to us. You are always more than welcome to PM and we can try to work through what's going on.

Be strong, my friend. Fight and don't give up. And, please, recognize and accept the value that those around you see in you.
Thank you very much. I know we forum members give each other a hard time once in a while, but I can't express my gratitute enough to know that it is possible to find support and understanding from you guys.

I don't do any other online social media, so you guys are the only internet friends i have! lol
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      10-27-2014, 08:12 AM   #321
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Originally Posted by NEFARIOUS View Post
Most definitely glad to help... If I feel that I can prevent one more person from ending their lives since I wasn't able to help my dad prevent that fate, I'm glad to lend a helping hand. Personally, if I told you even 2 incidents that I'm going through right now, you'd probably say "holy crap, at least I'm not that guy" ...

But all it takes is perseverance and having faith that things will get better, and all you gotta do is reach out for assistance; people aren't as careless as you think. Just when I thought shit hit the fan, there's even people I haven't talked to in 3 years that came around to help and even gave me money for survival since my job is behind on giving me my payroll and I've already taken out 2 payday advances just to make sure my car isn't repo'd and to have food on the table.

...But sometimes, things happen for a reason, and your silver lining may just be around the corner, and like the point I was trying to make earlier, there's always going to be someone that may have a worse situation, so count your blessings... I highly recommend watching The Secret, which has gotten me out of my worst binds before, and my tip to anybody is to think positively towards the wisdom and/or strength to get out of your situation, not sitting around and hoping something will fall into your lap, unless it's just the strength to persevere through a bad memory (but it'll still come back to that). Also remember; any event in life is always neutral. Sometimes it's not what happens, but it's your reaction and what's done about it, and what happened in the past doesn't always shape your present (wish I can tell the credit bureau that ).

Feel free to PM me at anytime. If my phone was working right now I'd even let you call/text, even if it's 3AM.
I see that you are definitely going thorugh some difficulties as well, because i see your posts on other threads on this forum. Your resilience is admirable, and i will definitely take a couple pages from your book.

You are absolutely right. Things could always be worse. We all deal with our problems differently, and some take the hit harder than others. I have been to a few different locations all over the world, so I know that many of us should keep our complaining to a minimum, lol.

I can't show my gratitude enough. You defintely helped me out this weekend. i hope your situation starts to improve as well. Hang in there. Know that you have a friend in the NYC area, so if you ever find yourself in the area and need to reach out, just say the word and I will help out in any way I can.
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      10-27-2014, 08:33 AM   #322
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Originally Posted by ddk632 View Post
Samurai of 2day

I can't pretend to know what you might have gone through, or are going through, but I think it's normal for many of us to feel depressed from time to time and possibly relate on some level to another's plight. And it's always transient, it passes, and when we look back at those tough times, we are triumphant in that we got past them and moved on to start new chapters in life and new adventures and new passions.

On a serious side note, if you're constantly or frequently feeling like you might do something that everyone who loves you will regret, my recommendation is to remove the item you mentioned is under your bed which can possibly be used to do this bidding (and any other similar items) and place them in a safety deposit box, and do not retrieve them until you've conquered such feelings.

If I may recommend an interesting and enlightening book about perseverance in the face of a peril which I would think puts most anyone to shame regarding their own tribulations, please check out the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl, if you haven't already read it. If you have, read it again.

Always know no matter what you provide value to other people. You may not even know it but it is always true, big or small. Even on a forum in OT you provide value to others. I always enjoy reading your posts and hope to continue to have the privilege of doing so.

We all get dealt some bad cards in life from time to time. The test of character and what makes us who we are is how we respond, deal with, and learn from those experiences. Whatever it is, I can promise you that you will get through it, and as others have stated, your time will come. You will find joy and meaning. And you will look back and think, "how could I have even considered that?"
Thanks a lot, DDK632. Over the years, I have gained a lot of respect for you because your posts are always informative, based on facts, and (usually) neutral... I caught you giving some other forum menbers a hard time when you feel it necessary, lol.

I agree with you 100%. An individual's true character comes to the surface when they have to deal with loss or adversity. I will treat my current "difficulties" as just another obstacle that needs to be overcome. I've done it before, so I should be able to do it again.

Thanks you once again for providing support an encouragement. Words can't express how I have been taken aback on how many of our fellow car enthusiast forum members took the time out to express concern and support for me, who in reality is just a humble, anonymous, ramdom guy who happens to like cars, lol.
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      10-27-2014, 08:53 AM   #323
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Revartr View Post
I've been in a similar spot, though probably not the same. Hell, I've been a bit of a loner as of late. Aside from hitting up a bar with a couple of friends every now and then, I mostly just go home, get drunk, and watch tv. But I try to take pleasure in my tipsiness from liquor, tasty food, and humorous television. But sometimes that can only go so far or in some cases make it worse. Try spending more time in nature. Today, for instance, I went out on a long hike out in some deep woods, brought some cold beer (and plenty of water) with me, found a nice spot on the river, and just sat on the edge and relaxed. Take it all in, how beautiful the world we live in is, saw a few deer, cracked a couple of beers, etc. It truly is an awesome experience.

On a side note, one thing that I do believe can go a long, long way is an animal companion. It's always lovely to come home to a happy animal buddy (personally, I prefer dogs). One reason, I'll be happy to move out of this place.
I hear you, my friend. Sounds like our routines are similar, indeed. I very rarely drink during the week, because it would interfere with my workout routine... but once Friday night rolls around, and if I'm not working the weekend, I like to enjoy my drinks pretty much the entire weekend. I don't get sloppy with it, just maintain a steady level of tipsiness, as you so eloquently put it, lol. Then I either boot up the Xbox, or maybe watch something funny on TV, or listen to music. The music has been kinda messing me up lately...

It did cross my mind to get a dog as well. No issues with cats, I actually think cats (especially the big ones) are quite majestic. A dog is more my style though, and they tend to be more interactive than cats. I would love to get a puppy and raise him, but I tend to like the medium/large dogs, so my One Bedroom APT ain't cutting it, lol. I live in a pretty urbanized area, so I wouldn't want to subject a dog to those accomdations, especially when he gets big in a couple years.

When I finaly settle down a get a house and a little yard, I will definitely explore pet options.

Sitting by the river with a couple drinks sounds like an interesting experience. Do you do that often? Do you go alone or with friends? Just curious because I would have to take a drive to do something like that, but it sounds like a good way to change the scenery and get to know oneself when our thoughts tend to get overwhelming.
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      10-27-2014, 08:59 AM   #324
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deep stuff here, good to see this is more than just a forum.


we can all provide something to someone.
I agree with this. Originally, I just posted because I was following this thread because some of the replies were funny, as we all give each other a bit of a hard time, when appropriate, of course.

I was honestly surprised to see how many people responded to my issue with a genuine sence of concern. It is truly an honor to be a part of this community, and I only hope that one day will come where I can help someone here, they way you all have supported me.
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      10-27-2014, 09:15 AM   #325
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I hear you, my friend. Sounds like our routines are similar, indeed. I very rarely drink during the week, because it would interfere with my workout routine... but once Friday night rolls around, and if I'm not working the weekend, I like to enjoy my drinks pretty much the entire weekend. I don't get sloppy with it, just maintain a steady level of tipsiness, as you so eloquently put it, lol. Then I either boot up the Xbox, or maybe watch something funny on TV, or listen to music. The music has been kinda messing me up lately...

It did cross my mind to get a dog as well. No issues with cats, I actually think cats (especially the big ones) are quite majestic. A dog is more my style though, and they tend to be more interactive than cats. I would love to get a puppy and raise him, but I tend to like the medium/large dogs, so my One Bedroom APT ain't cutting it, lol. I live in a pretty urbanized area, so I wouldn't want to subject a dog to those accomdations, especially when he gets big in a couple years.

When I finaly settle down a get a house and a little yard, I will definitely explore pet options.

Sitting by the river with a couple drinks sounds like an interesting experience. Do you do that often? Do you go alone or with friends? Just curious because I would have to take a drive to do something like that, but it sounds like a good way to change the scenery and get to know oneself when our thoughts tend to get overwhelming.
Ah, I see what you mean about the pet thing, haha. I leased a condo in Miami for a couple of years, and they wouldn't allow pets over 30lbs, so that was out of the question. Think about getting a cat, though. They can be alright, lol.

And I like to go hiking/swimming with friends usually, but sometimes I enjoy the peacefulness in solitude. Quiet, relaxing, allows you to truly take it all in.
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      10-27-2014, 09:19 AM   #326
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If you just can't get joy out of life, then you are depressed - you lay in bed and don't want to do anything because there is no motivation of payoff so why bother.
But if you are experiencing PAIN, then you may consider actually ending your life - because ever second of living with it is too much - whatever enjoyment you get from doing anything is dwarfed by the thing that is bothering you.
I believe if you can see it in these terms, understand what goes on in the reasoning that may be hidden to you inside you head, then you may see it 'objectively' and can pull yourself out of it.
The main issue is PAIN. This is what is making you feel like ending it. All pain has a source, identifying where it comes from is the tricky part. But if you accept that the way you feel has a reason a SOURCE, then you can already see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The rest is psychology/self-discovery work.
Your aim is pretty good. Like you said, I have to identify the source of pain I am experiencing. That's what the problem is. I am aware that my situation in not bad at all.

I have a decent paying job, my physical health is great (mental health not so much) lol, and I am pretty responsible so i don't have to rely on others in order to maintain my lifestyle.

I think my problem is that I am just tired. Self awareness and enlightenment have always been priority for me for as long as I can remember. It can just take it's toll when dealing with the reality of doing and going through taxing experiences as Soldier for many, many years. I'm in a positon where I have to bear the responsibility for many others, so I tend to neglect myself more and more, in order to ensure the happiness and well being of everyone else, professionally, and personally.

At the risk of revealing the nerd in me, over the years, I have named this feeling the "Spider-Man Complex". Basically, the act of sacrificing one's needs and wants in order to put everyone else in a better place, all the while being treated or regarded as a problem/nuisance/bother or "asshole" gets tiring, and make the individual think about quitting.

I know I cannot quit. It really isn't in my nature. So I will find the strength to continue the fight, and I definitely appreciate all of the strength you all have given me to realize that moving forward is the only way to not stay stuck in the past.

Thank you all.

Sorry this thread got so off topic. This was supposed to be a thread where we could all come and share a laugh, or a cry depending on what kind of drunk we turn into on any given day, and I hope it gets back on track!
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      10-27-2014, 11:29 AM   #327
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I agree with this. Originally, I just posted because I was following this thread because some of the replies were funny, as we all give each other a bit of a hard time, when appropriate, of course.

I was honestly surprised to see how many people responded to my issue with a genuine sence of concern. It is truly an honor to be a part of this community, and I only hope that one day will come where I can help someone here, they way you all have supported me.



don't be stressed man, get out and rip on the bike!!

At least that's what I'd do.
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      10-27-2014, 11:33 AM   #328
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When you sit by that stream and look around, you should be in AWE of the abundance of life around you, in all its many forms.

What gives you the right to end yours? Who's going to be the dick and keep those other soldiers alive?
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      10-27-2014, 11:39 AM   #329
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don't be stressed man, get out and rip on the bike!!

At least that's what I'd do.
Taking the bike out is definitely therapeutic, lol. She was hiding from the rain in the garage last week, but taking her to work this morning had a "refreshing" effect on me. maybe it's the adrenaline.

Currently, I have an "office" assignment, and that has had a draining affect on my attitude towards everything sice I have been here. I belong in the field, or on the battlefield, plain and simple, lol.

One more year to go, then I can be back on the line. I will treat this like a bid. That will give me something to look forward to.

382 days and a wake up!!
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      10-27-2014, 12:10 PM   #330
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When you sit by that stream and look around, you should be in AWE of the abundance of life around you, in all its many forms.

What gives you the right to end yours? Who's going to be the dick and keep those other soldiers alive?
Enjoying the sights and sounds of nature can be awe inspiring, for sure.

Funny thing is when I was in charge of Soldiers, they always seemed to genuinely respect how I operated and conducted "business". I always treated my men fairly, and I don't lead from the rear. Even if we are tasked with filling sandbags... I will have a shovel in my hand.

I'm not in a leadership position at the moment because of my current assignment, but I will ride this out and get back to what I know, or perhaps start weighing out future career options.

You guys have me thinking about future plans again, when just a week ago, I was frustrated everytime my alarm woke me up.

Thank you all for the support. A good kick in the ass is what is needed sometimes to get up that hill!
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