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      10-27-2014, 05:19 PM   #331
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Originally Posted by Samurai of 2day View Post
I see that you are definitely going thorugh some difficulties as well, because i see your posts on other threads on this forum. Your resilience is admirable, and i will definitely take a couple pages from your book.

You are absolutely right. Things could always be worse. We all deal with our problems differently, and some take the hit harder than others. I have been to a few different locations all over the world, so I know that many of us should keep our complaining to a minimum, lol.

I can't show my gratitude enough. You defintely helped me out this weekend. i hope your situation starts to improve as well. Hang in there. Know that you have a friend in the NYC area, so if you ever find yourself in the area and need to reach out, just say the word and I will help out in any way I can.
Most definitely glad to cover your 6 on that regard, that PTSD can be a real downer... I may not have been on a battlefield, but last year I did have to endure some things some people should never see and briefly had it myself. Also a career change is always a refreshing change of pace... I'm still throwing out resumes like crazy and am planning to jump ship the split second something comes up myself. Being happy with all that you do, including a nice house, rides, and occupation is a nice balance that should not be overlooked... My philosophy has always been that if you aren't at least contempt with one, change it for the better as soon as humanly possible. You may have read about my battles, but the going has only gone rough for a month and things are shipping up, and I hope to see your battles clear soon; I have faith that things have a way of working itself out.

Anyway, which borough do you live in? I got a cousin in SoHo (IIRC) who recently moved out there from Taiwan, not to mention I've always wanted to see what the praises of New York pizza is all about... Last (and so far only) time I was there in '01 it was a poorly coordinated tour and except for continental breakfast, everybody stuck to Chinese food they can get anywhere in Taiwan instead of immersing themselves into local culture . Anyway, when I get to head out to NYC again, hope to be able to see you there and buy you a round... To celebrate you staying alive. So stay frosty; that "frost" just might keep your beer cold .
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      10-27-2014, 07:19 PM   #332
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Samuraiof2day

So now that I am sufficiently drunk, let me tell you a story. Actually, let me tell you two. Don't worry I'll give you the abridged versions.

The first is one that I went through in my teens. I was depressed. My brother had died a few months previous to my descent in the depression I was feeling. I was just sixteen and he died at a mere 19 years old. I felt there was no future for me, no purpose, no reason for going on. And so I set out on a path such as that which you eluded to in a recent post. I was going to do it with a car, though. I was going to jump in front of a car. There was one night when I had had a fight with my parents and I decided, amidst my teenage angst and lack of maturity, that that was the night. So I went outside and loitered on the sidewalk next to a busy street. I saw a car...I decided that was the one that would be my ending. No, it was not a car it was actually a public transportation bus. Do you know those long, bendy busses? It was one of those. The traffic drew on and the bus drew closer...my mind was made up. I braced myself for the inevitable. Then a car cut out from behind the bus and accelerated past the bus, the driver saw me on the sidewalk and pulled off in to this cul-de-sac type driveway which was just to my right. It was an aunt of mine who I hadn't seen in about 3 years. Somehow, someway she just happened to be there at the right time in exactly the right moment for me. This was an aunt that I really looked up to, that helped me so much in my earlier years and with whom I had had a close connection.

My next story involves my later teenage years and my last years of high school. My best friend was having a tough time and his parents had just separated. He lived with his mother but his Dad visited from time to time. In fact, most of the basement and the barn held his Dad's possessions while the top 2 floors of their house was the Mom's stuff and the Mother's life. Well, we were hanging out one night in fact I think it was the day after Thanksgiving. We needed to help his mother plant some new plants in the front lawn and clean up the walkway. Clean up? Ok, so we needed a broom. I said "Hey, I'll run to the barn and grab a broom and a couple rakes." Guess what i found when I went to the barn? No, don't guess...I'll tell you: his Dad had shot himself in the head with a shotgun right there in the barn.

Why am I writing this? I do not know another way to so clearly and emotionally and with such conviction explain just how precious life is. There is ALWAYS a purpose for us being here (even if we don't completely understand it at the time) and there are ALWAYS people here on this earth the WANT us to be here, that love us and that really care for us, even if we don't believe it or recognize it at the time. Life is beautiful and precious and fleeting. People are born, live and die and - in the grand scheme of the universe - it is such a short, brief time.

What we need to do, and what I challenge you and everyone else to do is to think about each moment that we live. Live in that moment, feel it, be present. I would also challenge each and every one of you to let those around know what they mean to you. Tell them you love them. Slap your bro in the head and tell him you're glad he's your friend. Shake someone's hand and tell them thank you. Go buy some flowers and bring them home to your wife. Let your kids know how lucky you are that they are in your life.

Life is a gift; let's appreciate it and live it as fully as we can.
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      10-27-2014, 09:07 PM   #333
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Originally Posted by 954Stealth View Post
Samuraiof2day

So now that I am sufficiently drunk, let me tell you a story. Actually, let me tell you two. Don't worry I'll give you the abridged versions.

The first is one that I went through in my teens. I was depressed. My brother had died a few months previous to my descent in the depression I was feeling. I was just sixteen and he died at a mere 19 years old. I felt there was no future for me, no purpose, no reason for going on. And so I set out on a path such as that which you eluded to in a recent post. I was going to do it with a car, though. I was going to jump in front of a car. There was one night when I had had a fight with my parents and I decided, amidst my teenage angst and lack of maturity, that that was the night. So I went outside and loitered on the sidewalk next to a busy street. I saw a car...I decided that was the one that would be my ending. No, it was not a car it was actually a public transportation bus. Do you know those long, bendy busses? It was one of those. The traffic drew on and the bus drew closer...my mind was made up. I braced myself for the inevitable. Then a car cut out from behind the bus and accelerated past the bus, the driver saw me on the sidewalk and pulled off in to this cul-de-sac type driveway which was just to my right. It was an aunt of mine who I hadn't seen in about 3 years. Somehow, someway she just happened to be there at the right time in exactly the right moment for me. This was an aunt that I really looked up to, that helped me so much in my earlier years and with whom I had had a close connection.

My next story involves my later teenage years and my last years of high school. My best friend was having a tough time and his parents had just separated. He lived with his mother but his Dad visited from time to time. In fact, most of the basement and the barn held his Dad's possessions while the top 2 floors of their house was the Mom's stuff and the Mother's life. Well, we were hanging out one night in fact I think it was the day after Thanksgiving. We needed to help his mother plant some new plants in the front lawn and clean up the walkway. Clean up? Ok, so we needed a broom. I said "Hey, I'll run to the barn and grab a broom and a couple rakes." Guess what i found when I went to the barn? No, don't guess...I'll tell you: his Dad had shot himself in the head with a shotgun right there in the barn.

Why am I writing this? I do not know another way to so clearly and emotionally and with such conviction explain just how precious life is. There is ALWAYS a purpose for us being here (even if we don't completely understand it at the time) and there are ALWAYS people here on this earth the WANT us to be here, that love us and that really care for us, even if we don't believe it or recognize it at the time. Life is beautiful and precious and fleeting. People are born, live and die and - in the grand scheme of the universe - it is such a short, brief time.

What we need to do, and what I challenge you and everyone else to do is to think about each moment that we live. Live in that moment, feel it, be present. I would also challenge each and every one of you to let those around know what they mean to you. Tell them you love them. Slap your bro in the head and tell him you're glad he's your friend. Shake someone's hand and tell them thank you. Go buy some flowers and bring them home to your wife. Let your kids know how lucky you are that they are in your life.

Life is a gift; let's appreciate it and live it as fully as we can.
I've been down these paths. On a few occasions.

What if I were to tell you... I disagree? Life is not a gift.

It's the only STD that's 100% fatal in all cases.

That aside, hell yes. Live it as fully as you can, because there's nothing waiting for you in the dirt.
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      10-27-2014, 09:59 PM   #334
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samurai of 2day
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Originally Posted by TrevorM3 View Post
deep stuff here, good to see this is more than just a forum.


we can all provide something to someone.
I agree with this. Originally, I just posted because I was following this thread because some of the replies were funny, as we all give each other a bit of a hard time, when appropriate, of course.

I was honestly surprised to see how many people responded to my issue with a genuine sence of concern. It is truly an honor to be a part of this community, and I only hope that one day will come where I can help someone here, they way you all have supported me.
I'm a little late, but also want to say that we are here for you. Ironic in the drunk thread, but I say put away the alcohol. Sell the glock. You can also PM me when you need talking off the ledge.
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      10-28-2014, 03:09 AM   #335
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Originally Posted by Samurai of 2day View Post
Your aim is pretty good. Like you said, I have to identify the source of pain I am experiencing. That's what the problem is. I am aware that my situation in not bad at all.

I have a decent paying job, my physical health is great (mental health not so much) lol, and I am pretty responsible so i don't have to rely on others in order to maintain my lifestyle.

I think my problem is that I am just tired. Self awareness and enlightenment have always been priority for me for as long as I can remember. It can just take it's toll when dealing with the reality of doing and going through taxing experiences as Soldier for many, many years. I'm in a positon where I have to bear the responsibility for many others, so I tend to neglect myself more and more, in order to ensure the happiness and well being of everyone else, professionally, and personally.

At the risk of revealing the nerd in me, over the years, I have named this feeling the "Spider-Man Complex". Basically, the act of sacrificing one's needs and wants in order to put everyone else in a better place, all the while being treated or regarded as a problem/nuisance/bother or "asshole" gets tiring, and make the individual think about quitting.

I know I cannot quit. It really isn't in my nature. So I will find the strength to continue the fight, and I definitely appreciate all of the strength you all have given me to realize that moving forward is the only way to not stay stuck in the past.

Thank you all.

Sorry this thread got so off topic. This was supposed to be a thread where we could all come and share a laugh, or a cry depending on what kind of drunk we turn into on any given day, and I hope it gets back on track!
This is not a unique problem - there are givers and there are takers, the way we are programmed by our upbringing from birth.
If you're tired and see the futility in the struggle, it's probably a good sign that what you are doing (giving too much) is never going to get you what you want. Realize it's just a script from the particular circumstances of your own individual story - however the world out there and the way anybody else does things is totally different.
Einstein said doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Take a step back from what you are doing, see that you are in fact doing a particular thing, and it seems to produce the same results over and over again. Do you need any further evidence to stop doing it the same and try something else? The 'cheat' in this riddle, which exists in some form or fashion for everyone, is that your parents are insane (well, everybody, in some form or manner is lol). Their conception of reality is FLAWED but it is the only one children are brought up experience - we don't know any better. We literally cannot see how things could be any other way because we have become brainwashed through repetition.

Best of luck, bro.


Quote:
Originally Posted by 954Stealth View Post
Samuraiof2day

So now that I am sufficiently drunk, let me tell you a story. Actually, let me tell you two. Don't worry I'll give you the abridged versions.

The first is one that I went through in my teens. I was depressed. My brother had died a few months previous to my descent in the depression I was feeling. I was just sixteen and he died at a mere 19 years old. I felt there was no future for me, no purpose, no reason for going on. And so I set out on a path such as that which you eluded to in a recent post. I was going to do it with a car, though. I was going to jump in front of a car. There was one night when I had had a fight with my parents and I decided, amidst my teenage angst and lack of maturity, that that was the night. So I went outside and loitered on the sidewalk next to a busy street. I saw a car...I decided that was the one that would be my ending. No, it was not a car it was actually a public transportation bus. Do you know those long, bendy busses? It was one of those. The traffic drew on and the bus drew closer...my mind was made up. I braced myself for the inevitable. Then a car cut out from behind the bus and accelerated past the bus, the driver saw me on the sidewalk and pulled off in to this cul-de-sac type driveway which was just to my right. It was an aunt of mine who I hadn't seen in about 3 years. Somehow, someway she just happened to be there at the right time in exactly the right moment for me. This was an aunt that I really looked up to, that helped me so much in my earlier years and with whom I had had a close connection.

My next story involves my later teenage years and my last years of high school. My best friend was having a tough time and his parents had just separated. He lived with his mother but his Dad visited from time to time. In fact, most of the basement and the barn held his Dad's possessions while the top 2 floors of their house was the Mom's stuff and the Mother's life. Well, we were hanging out one night in fact I think it was the day after Thanksgiving. We needed to help his mother plant some new plants in the front lawn and clean up the walkway. Clean up? Ok, so we needed a broom. I said "Hey, I'll run to the barn and grab a broom and a couple rakes." Guess what i found when I went to the barn? No, don't guess...I'll tell you: his Dad had shot himself in the head with a shotgun right there in the barn.

Why am I writing this? I do not know another way to so clearly and emotionally and with such conviction explain just how precious life is. There is ALWAYS a purpose for us being here (even if we don't completely understand it at the time) and there are ALWAYS people here on this earth the WANT us to be here, that love us and that really care for us, even if we don't believe it or recognize it at the time. Life is beautiful and precious and fleeting. People are born, live and die and - in the grand scheme of the universe - it is such a short, brief time.

What we need to do, and what I challenge you and everyone else to do is to think about each moment that we live. Live in that moment, feel it, be present. I would also challenge each and every one of you to let those around know what they mean to you. Tell them you love them. Slap your bro in the head and tell him you're glad he's your friend. Shake someone's hand and tell them thank you. Go buy some flowers and bring them home to your wife. Let your kids know how lucky you are that they are in your life.

Life is a gift; let's appreciate it and live it as fully as we can.
That's some great advice. Glad you're ok.
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      10-28-2014, 09:56 AM   #336
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Originally Posted by NEFARIOUS View Post
Most definitely glad to cover your 6 on that regard, that PTSD can be a real downer... I may not have been on a battlefield, but last year I did have to endure some things some people should never see and briefly had it myself. Also a career change is always a refreshing change of pace... I'm still throwing out resumes like crazy and am planning to jump ship the split second something comes up myself. Being happy with all that you do, including a nice house, rides, and occupation is a nice balance that should not be overlooked... My philosophy has always been that if you aren't at least contempt with one, change it for the better as soon as humanly possible. You may have read about my battles, but the going has only gone rough for a month and things are shipping up, and I hope to see your battles clear soon; I have faith that things have a way of working itself out.

Anyway, which borough do you live in? I got a cousin in SoHo (IIRC) who recently moved out there from Taiwan, not to mention I've always wanted to see what the praises of New York pizza is all about... Last (and so far only) time I was there in '01 it was a poorly coordinated tour and except for continental breakfast, everybody stuck to Chinese food they can get anywhere in Taiwan instead of immersing themselves into local culture . Anyway, when I get to head out to NYC again, hope to be able to see you there and buy you a round... To celebrate you staying alive. So stay frosty; that "frost" just might keep your beer cold .
Hang in there NEFARIOUS. You seem to have a plan, so stick with it and things will definitely improve, as you said. Although the plan very rarely survives contact with the enemy, having contingency plans usually help pick up the slack.

I think my current problem is that complacency has set in, and this is really against my nature. I need to motivate myself to start setting goals for myself again, and not simply fade away into the haze of wake up, go to the gym/dojo, go to work, got to my APT, go to sleep. Rinse, wash repeat. You mentioned PTSD, and it's facinating how everyone of us, Service member or not, can experience PTSD and it's effect can set in at any given time, fade away then maybe emerge again. I have always been interested in how perception shapes the thought process, and how everyone interprets reality differently, even when hard evidence can prove the individual's thought process to be skewed.

I live in Queens now, but grew up in BK, before I lived all over the place due to work. SO, I know Queens and Brooklyn fairly well. I also know the City well, as I worked in Manhattan for a few years. Always down for a drink or two, so I will only allow you to buy the first round, if you can accept me covering the second round!

Bimmette is going to want punch me for saying that, because she is suggesting I give the bottle a rest for a while..... and I belive she may on to something there.
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      10-28-2014, 10:06 AM   #337
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Nothing in life is worth giving up on yourself. I lived in a box for 4 months. Talk about being in some shit. However, as shitty as it was, here I am today, because I didn't give up.

There are too many things in the world to experience, and you only get one chance to experience it all, so why give up something as precious as that? You know, I've had 3 friends off themselves back in HS, and you know what, as much as I loved them as friends, it's selfish. You're here, on earth, with millions of opportunities in the palm of your hand. Embrace it and find happiness in yourself. When you can walk around with your head held high, people notice, and it can have some huge affects on how you view life.


You do only live a single time. On earth at least.
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      10-28-2014, 10:21 AM   #338
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 954Stealth View Post
Samuraiof2day

So now that I am sufficiently drunk, let me tell you a story. Actually, let me tell you two. Don't worry I'll give you the abridged versions.

The first is one that I went through in my teens. I was depressed. My brother had died a few months previous to my descent in the depression I was feeling. I was just sixteen and he died at a mere 19 years old. I felt there was no future for me, no purpose, no reason for going on. And so I set out on a path such as that which you eluded to in a recent post. I was going to do it with a car, though. I was going to jump in front of a car. There was one night when I had had a fight with my parents and I decided, amidst my teenage angst and lack of maturity, that that was the night. So I went outside and loitered on the sidewalk next to a busy street. I saw a car...I decided that was the one that would be my ending. No, it was not a car it was actually a public transportation bus. Do you know those long, bendy busses? It was one of those. The traffic drew on and the bus drew closer...my mind was made up. I braced myself for the inevitable. Then a car cut out from behind the bus and accelerated past the bus, the driver saw me on the sidewalk and pulled off in to this cul-de-sac type driveway which was just to my right. It was an aunt of mine who I hadn't seen in about 3 years. Somehow, someway she just happened to be there at the right time in exactly the right moment for me. This was an aunt that I really looked up to, that helped me so much in my earlier years and with whom I had had a close connection.

My next story involves my later teenage years and my last years of high school. My best friend was having a tough time and his parents had just separated. He lived with his mother but his Dad visited from time to time. In fact, most of the basement and the barn held his Dad's possessions while the top 2 floors of their house was the Mom's stuff and the Mother's life. Well, we were hanging out one night in fact I think it was the day after Thanksgiving. We needed to help his mother plant some new plants in the front lawn and clean up the walkway. Clean up? Ok, so we needed a broom. I said "Hey, I'll run to the barn and grab a broom and a couple rakes." Guess what i found when I went to the barn? No, don't guess...I'll tell you: his Dad had shot himself in the head with a shotgun right there in the barn.

Why am I writing this? I do not know another way to so clearly and emotionally and with such conviction explain just how precious life is. There is ALWAYS a purpose for us being here (even if we don't completely understand it at the time) and there are ALWAYS people here on this earth the WANT us to be here, that love us and that really care for us, even if we don't believe it or recognize it at the time. Life is beautiful and precious and fleeting. People are born, live and die and - in the grand scheme of the universe - it is such a short, brief time.

What we need to do, and what I challenge you and everyone else to do is to think about each moment that we live. Live in that moment, feel it, be present. I would also challenge each and every one of you to let those around know what they mean to you. Tell them you love them. Slap your bro in the head and tell him you're glad he's your friend. Shake someone's hand and tell them thank you. Go buy some flowers and bring them home to your wife. Let your kids know how lucky you are that they are in your life.

Life is a gift; let's appreciate it and live it as fully as we can.
Thank you for sharing your story, 954Stealth. I am glad that you are still around to tell it to us. I know how difficult it is to share those thoughts because I felt the same way growing up. Ultimately, because I have always felt out of place, I have contemplated ending it countless times, but would never even DARE to mention what was ruminating in my mind because deep down, I consider suicide to be basically quitting or giving up... which would be unacceptable because my father instilled in me at a very young age that weakness is unacceptable... and although there have been many times, (military training/fighting in tournaments/dealing with heartbreak/restraining anger/etc) that I can remember WANTING to give up, something in me won't allow me to.

It is my humble opinion that you were right in choosing family (your Aunt) over ending it all. The thought of family is probably the strongest reason I have not made that choice as well. It is very sad that you lost your brother so early in life. I don't have any biological brothers, so I can't imagine the toll that takes on a young man in his teens, but I do have brothers in my heart that have taken their own lives in the recent years, or suffered violent deaths at the hands of others, and it is truly a heart wrenching experience when the dust is settled, and yet another loved one has to be put in the ground.

Uncle Wede said it best, what gives (me) us the right to intentionally put the people who call us brother, through that same experience...? NOTHING.
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      10-28-2014, 10:36 AM   #339
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I'm a little late, but also want to say that we are here for you. Ironic in the drunk thread, but I say put away the alcohol. Sell the glock. You can also PM me when you need talking off the ledge.
Thank you. I mentioned in a couple posts above this one that you may be right about taking a break from the bottle. After years of getting drunk every weekend (as long as I'm not working) it has become a routine of mine to drink in my down time.

I used to get wasted with my cousins or some of the guys from my old Recon Platoon, depending on who was available. If everyone was otherwise preoccupied, I would just drink by myself. Over the years, almost all of my boys (some kinda unbelievable) have had kids or gotten married or both, so even though there is no love loss, and I am actually quite proud of many of them for growing up (better late than never), I feel like I am being left behind.

I will give your suggestion some serious thought. I actually don't have a problem with my own drinking, kind of enjoy being "not sober", and it hasn't had a negative affect on things like work or health (yet) or my responsibilities, but maybe if I put the bottle down during the weekends, I can do something more constructive with my free time instead of drinking in the dark.

Thank you once again.
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      10-28-2014, 10:47 AM   #340
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[QUOTE=grimlock;16845636]This is not a unique problem - there are givers and there are takers, the way we are programmed by our upbringing from birth.
If you're tired and see the futility in the struggle, it's probably a good sign that what you are doing (giving too much) is never going to get you what you want. Realize it's just a script from the particular circumstances of your own individual story - however the world out there and the way anybody else does things is totally different.
Einstein said doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Take a step back from what you are doing, see that you are in fact doing a particular thing, and it seems to produce the same results over and over again. Do you need any further evidence to stop doing it the same and try something else? The 'cheat' in this riddle, which exists in some form or fashion for everyone, is that your parents are insane (well, everybody, in some form or manner is lol). Their conception of reality is FLAWED but it is the only one children are brought up experience - we don't know any better. We literally cannot see how things could be any other way because we have become brainwashed through repetition.

Best of luck, bro

I agree with a lot of what you say here. It is truly amazing how a single situation or event can be interpreted in countless ways, depending on the individual's perception of the situation or event. Perception is reality, even if the perception is influenced negatively by past experiences or political/religeous/cultural upbringing.

Ultimately, it would probably be best if I were to ease off of doing what everyone else expects or asks of me, instead of doing what I feel should be done. Easier said than done, because 90% of me is designed to make the personal sacrifice, in order to ensure the happines and prosperity.

I will figure it out.
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      10-28-2014, 11:00 AM   #341
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Nothing in life is worth giving up on yourself. I lived in a box for 4 months. Talk about being in some shit. However, as shitty as it was, here I am today, because I didn't give up.

There are too many things in the world to experience, and you only get one chance to experience it all, so why give up something as precious as that? You know, I've had 3 friends off themselves back in HS, and you know what, as much as I loved them as friends, it's selfish. You're here, on earth, with millions of opportunities in the palm of your hand. Embrace it and find happiness in yourself. When you can walk around with your head held high, people notice, and it can have some huge affects on how you view life.


You do only live a single time. On earth at least.
Hey Billup, we have had a couple converstations on this forum, and I have come to respect your outlook on may topics covered in, well, OT. I know you are one of the "Cool Kids" on this forum, and you have probably been one of the cool kids all your life. Your confidence is admirable, and I am, and always have been a bit envyous of guys like you. I don't fall into that category, lol.

I used to do some of those exciting things you mentioned above, and have experienced much in all the years I have been walking the earth. Not sure if it's age, or my current employment postion that just sapped my energy over the past two years or so. I will have to start getting back out there again and see if that gets my energy cycling again.

Thank you all once again for the encouragement and support. My gratitude towards you all knows no bounds.
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      10-28-2014, 11:15 AM   #342
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Hey Billup, we have had a couple converstations on this forum, and I have come to respect your outlook on may topics covered in, well, OT. I know you are one of the "Cool Kids" on this forum, and you have probably been one of the cool kids all your life. Your confidence is admirable, and I am, and always have been a bit envyous of guys like you. I don't fall into that category, lol.

I used to do some of those exciting things you mentioned above, and have experienced much in all the years I have been walking the earth. Not sure if it's age, or my current employment postion that just sapped my energy over the past two years or so. I will have to start getting back out there again and see if that gets my energy cycling again.

Thank you all once again for the encouragement and support. My gratitude towards you all knows no bounds.
I wouldn't say I've been the "cool kid" my whole life, but I have always made a point of making friends with everyone I come in contact with. I hung out with the "losers", goth kids, preppy kids, black kids, it really didn't matter. It's really just learning to be OK with yourself, and understanding your own value on earth.

I had a 2 year "depression" spree around senior year of HS, where I was doing a ton of things I shouldn't have, and in turn, it had some pretty bad affects on how I viewed life and myself. So with that said, while I can't compare on the exact situation you are in, the emotions are essentially the same. To this day, I still work on myself and tell myself that I am OK with the flaws I do have, but I don't let that burden life as a whole. Remind yourself that there are people who have it so incredibly poorly off that what we get to embrace in life is one of the best gifts you could ever receive, and nothing should put a damper on that.

Experiencing new things and new places can open your eyes to what life is all about. I was talking to this chick about skydiving, and she said, Oh I'd never do that, that's scary, what if the shute doesn't deploy? For me, I don't think about things like that, I think about the thrill and the amount of joy I would feel when my feet touch the ground, because I did something that naturally would make me shit my pants.

All I'm saying is, you ultimately have the power to be happy with who you are as a person today. New things come in life no matter how young or how old you are, and that's what makes life exciting. My friends that essentially gave up when they were 18, 20, and 21...., have no way to turn back the clock and do things that really remind you what life is all about. Not to mention the pain it causes on all the people around you, and the fact that you have people that care about you that much should be enough to put a smile on your face.

Embrace life man. I am far from being a stud or the cool kid, I am just me, and people either like it or they don't. I love it, and that's all that matters, as it should for you and anyone else.
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      10-28-2014, 04:01 PM   #343
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I wouldn't say I've been the "cool kid" my whole life, but I have always made a point of making friends with everyone I come in contact with. I hung out with the "losers", goth kids, preppy kids, black kids, it really didn't matter. It's really just learning to be OK with yourself, and understanding your own value on earth.

I had a 2 year "depression" spree around senior year of HS, where I was doing a ton of things I shouldn't have, and in turn, it had some pretty bad affects on how I viewed life and myself. So with that said, while I can't compare on the exact situation you are in, the emotions are essentially the same. To this day, I still work on myself and tell myself that I am OK with the flaws I do have, but I don't let that burden life as a whole. Remind yourself that there are people who have it so incredibly poorly off that what we get to embrace in life is one of the best gifts you could ever receive, and nothing should put a damper on that.

Experiencing new things and new places can open your eyes to what life is all about. I was talking to this chick about skydiving, and she said, Oh I'd never do that, that's scary, what if the shute doesn't deploy? For me, I don't think about things like that, I think about the thrill and the amount of joy I would feel when my feet touch the ground, because I did something that naturally would make me shit my pants.

All I'm saying is, you ultimately have the power to be happy with who you are as a person today. New things come in life no matter how young or how old you are, and that's what makes life exciting. My friends that essentially gave up when they were 18, 20, and 21...., have no way to turn back the clock and do things that really remind you what life is all about. Not to mention the pain it causes on all the people around you, and the fact that you have people that care about you that much should be enough to put a smile on your face.

Embrace life man. I am far from being a stud or the cool kid, I am just me, and people either like it or they don't. I love it, and that's all that matters, as it should for you and anyone else.
Very well said. Honestly, I have a very similar attitude for the most part. I can basically be chill with pretty much anyone because political/religeous/cultural boundaries are non exisitent to me. I respect any individuals' right to think freely and be themselves, as long as they are not being blatantly disrespectful to any given persons' right to think and feel free themselves. Also, I am aware that "things ain't that bad" because during many of my work related travels, I have witnessed and or dealt with hardships far worse than my current environment.

Like you, I am comfortable with who I am, even if who I am doesn't fit into any standard social category. I can't say the same for when I was younger though, lol. Since this past Sunday, you all have made me step back to identify what my core problem is, and I truly belive it's my current assignment. Before, even if I didn't fit in, I still had the drive and energy to make any situation worth whie or at least tolerable. Now I just don't want to be bothered. I gotta start finding the bright side to things again. I have one year to go, then I can either get reassigned to hopefully a better organized unit, or change career paths entirely. These last two years really drained my energy being in this work environment. The light at the end of the tunnel can be found in Dec 2015. Until then, I will hang around here and chime in whenever I think my 2 cents MAY be worth mor than... 2 cents, lol
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      10-28-2014, 09:36 PM   #344
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you know what I really hate? Running out before I'm ready to sleep...

Also, the night sweats I will have tomorrow.. probably.

Anyone else ever get a sudden freefall feeling while you're trying to get to sleep? (sober usually) - FOUND IT - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnic_jerk

Freaks me out everytime.

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      10-28-2014, 09:38 PM   #345
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Sooo, 5 pints and 8 shots later, here I am. Thank you, Pint Night. @Billup and @Lups check in.
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      10-28-2014, 10:53 PM   #346
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Sooo, 5 pints and 8 shots later, here I am. Thank you, Pint Night. @Billup and @Lups check in.
IN!

To the conversation above, if Samurai you need someone to talk to, and a complete stranger is the best option, I am here. I know something about big changes in life, and your story reminded me in ways of mine though I avoided the real lows.

hidingbehindanick@hotmail.com works, my inbox is always full.
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      10-28-2014, 11:54 PM   #347
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I've had the free fall feeling before, it's awesome.
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      10-29-2014, 06:26 AM   #348
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I've had the free fall feeling before, it's awesome.
I want this feeling, only I want to be pushed out of an airplane with a parachute backpack.
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      10-29-2014, 07:15 PM   #349
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I've had the free fall feeling before, it's awesome.
Thanks Tom Petty (or Stevie Nicks depending on which version you like)
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      10-29-2014, 07:34 PM   #350
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I'll go with Tom Petty. Don't know who Stevie Nicks is.
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      10-29-2014, 07:59 PM   #351
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I'll go with Tom Petty. Don't know who Stevie Nicks is.
haha Petty it is. I think you'd recognize Stevie Nicks' songs if you heard them...she has a pretty distinct voice and had more than a few hits over her many years.
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      10-29-2014, 08:00 PM   #352
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Now I have Free Fallin' stuck in my head, damn it!!!

And now so will OT, hahaha!!

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