[car_driver]

So pretty much everyone I regularly keep up with, their lives are getting better and moving along the normal progression. Except this one guy who just can't seem to get his shit together.

I have 2 concerns:
(1) his loser attitude is rubbing off on me.
(2) his constant complaining about issues that would be extraordinarily easy for him to fix are quite a distraction.

He has about 20k worth of cars but drives a 1997 econobox that he hates because the rest are in long-term storage. He's pretty much always strapped for cash although he has an ok-paying job and low costs. He lives in a city that he absolutely hates because it's cheap enough that he can rent a house with room to repair the worn out econobox, but lives 70 miles down the road from a really great city he could easily live and work in, albeit without room to work on cars. When mutual friends of ours move to said great city he usually makes jealous remarks. Instead of doing any work to solve any of these things he constantly complains and drinks every evening. Dude's tall and decently handsome but women won't touch him, probably because of his attitude and maybe weak socioeconomic signals.

I've known him for a while now and I really want to see him turn it around but these days he won't do anything but drink and complain.

[CTinline-six]

You've tried. Time to move on. Surround yourself with people you admire.

[Soul_Glo]

Sounds like you've already made up your mind. If you are concerned about him being an energy vampire then cut loose and don't feel guilty.

Oprah sums it up best:

[BMW F22]

You are the average of the people closest to you. Not saying you should drop him like a rock but perhaps limit your interaction? Or simply be straight with him. Some people are oblivious to things and needs someone to tell them. Life is too short to surround yourself with downers or negativity, be it at work, home, etc.

[IllSic_Design]

Originally Posted by BMW F22

You are the average of the people closest to you. Not saying you should drop him like a rock but perhaps limit your interaction? Or simply be straight with him. Some people are oblivious to things and needs someone to tell them. Life is too short to surround yourself with downers or negativity, be it at work, home, etc.

Exactly.

[overcoil]

My friends and I are all angry and antisocial and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[DETRoadster]

As others have said, pull the plug. You don't have to write the guy off but demote him to a lower tier "friend". You know, the kind of friend you dont have any beef with and you are friendly when your paths cross, but you dont go out of your way to call, hang out, etc.

I had to do this with a long time very close friend about 5 years ago. He was totally negative, miserable, and refused to do anything to make his life better. I'm sad for him but happy to have cut that cord.

[car_driver]

Thanks for the input everyone. I've never really fired a friend before but I'm just going to ghost this guy. Enough is enough.

[G35POPPEDMYCHERRY]

I mean no one here can give you good advice simply because you are giving us a few sentences to define a friendship that has evolved over time.

The way you describe it seems as if he has depression and probably hates himself. Unwanted feelings can come out in strange way. I remember being in rut similar to his except, I probably was doing life 10x "better" than he is but felt like everything was wrong. In these cases sometimes, your situation can't change how you feel inside. Maybe he needs a friend to unearth some of those feelings.

Relationships are difficult, you have to really assess the pros/cons like a breakup lol. Maybe try not to let his negative attitude anger you or bring you down; instead empathize the best you can....

But relationships are a two way street and you aren't married to anyone in this world; so use my advice but ultimately you have the memories and feelings to make the decision. Maybe if you guys are in a friend group those would be a better group to assess with.

best of luck. dont put your happiness in front of anyone elses. What I describe requires a strong emotional toolbag.

[dreamingat30fps]

Daaaamn some cold ass sons of bitches in here. Getting dumped just cause you wanna live in the boonies, drinking beer and fixing cars. Not good enough for mr socioeconomic signals over here!

[PshhhhhMW]

True friends can have periods of absence and pick up where they left off. Like some have said, limit the time spent. If they need advice or help, help. If not, dont let them take you down. I have close friends who I dont see for a year/s but are still great whenever we get together.

[car_driver]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Daaaamn some cold ass sons of bitches in here. Getting dumped just cause you wanna live in the boonies, drinking beer and fixing cars. Not good enough for mr socioeconomic signals over here!

Well if a 1997-hatchback-driving underemployed 40 year-old who is bitter about everything seems like a clear "I want to do this" signal women sure haven't been picking up the message.

[Emilime75]

Every once in a while I look up those I was close to in my teens and 20s. I get to feeling nostalgic about "the good old days" and think re-connecting with some would be cool. I then see 97% of them are still living the exact lives they were 20-25 years ago. Dead end, low paying jobs, I'm talking Starbucks, grocery stores, record shops...I then see the majority of their free time is spent partying, drinking...all the while complaining about not having rent money, or how difficult it is to support themselves. I'm not necessarily judging, if they're cool with all that, more power to'em, but I've "evolved" and that isn't what I want out of life, so I choose to not reach out. Maybe this isn't the same situation as yours, but I think it applies somewhat. You have to look at the pros/cons of the friendship. Does he bring anything into it that you appreciate, and/or would miss greatly if it was gone? Do those pros outweigh the cons? Does he bring you down, or lift you up?

[dreamingat30fps]

Originally Posted by 3A53

Well if a 1997-hatchback-driving underemployed 40 year-old who is bitter about everything seems like a clear "I want to do this" signal women sure haven't been picking up the message.

[The Libertine]

While you can’t control how others act, you can control how you respond to them. And it sounds like your response is, understandably, to move on. Now that I’m older look at my relationships different than when I was younger. I don’t want to be around someone who either brings me down or who has interests that I am no longer able to identify or agree with on a personal level.

[JP10]

Why let your friend's issues affect you so much? I have friends that do much better then me and friends that do much worse. I've never taken their economic placement in to account when debating their friendship. They're all assholes who I get to be myself around. The fact that you're having this debate would make me want to drop you as a friend lol. Half these responses are pretentious IMO.

[aozer]

Originally Posted by JP10

Why let your friend's issues affect you so much? I have friends that do much better then me and friends that do much worse. I've never taken their economic placement in to account when debating their friendship. They're all assholes who I get to be myself around. The fact that you're having this debate would make me want to drop you as a friend lol. Half these responses are pretentious IMO.

yea.

he says he wants his friend to turn his life around, but it sounds like he doesnt want to be the one to help. everyone wants the end result, nobody wants the work the comes with getting there.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by aozer

yea.

he says he wants his friend to turn his life around, but it sounds like he doesnt want to be the one to help. everyone wants the end result, nobody wants the work the comes with getting there.

Some people can't be helped though, and getting involved with them means they will take you down with them. It's sad, but it's reality.

[Maynard]

Might be you two are growing apart. But it might be that he is sinking into depression and alcoholism. Much easier to drift away than to say a/t direct - have you really said the stuff you posted right to his face? If you aren't already at the 'ghost-friend' stage, you might want to reach out and encourage him to consider some help. Sometimes it doesn't hit people until their friends or family say s/t direct - when you are living inside it, it is harder to see the changes. And if it turns out that he actually likes his negative, non-social striving life, then you are back to drifting apart (but you know you didn't punk out on a friend).

[Darth One]

I wish i could sincerely tell you to drop friends with a bad attitude, but.....i am that friend with a bad attitude

[minn19]

People change in different ways as they grow up and so do the friendships along the way. It probably won't be the last time you say goodbye to someone for whatever reason.

[minn19]

Originally Posted by Darth One

I wish i could sincerely tell you to drop friends with a bad attitude, but.....i am that friend with a bad attitude

Yah, but you always make us laugh.