[AnotherGrey]

As a newly single person I was wondering if anyone has experience of these or other sites. In particular as a middle-aged man of around 50, whether the ratio of men to women in this age bracket tends to be balanced enough that these sites work. If it's 10 men to every woman on there, that's not going to be a good approach. I'm more interested in finding a potential female partner than a series of one night stands, which I think is Tinder's speciality.

The last time I was single was before the internet existed, so to say online dating is a bit new to me would be an understatement!

Any experience of using these sites, particularly from men in a similar age bracket (presumably quite a few here!) would be most welcome...

[Goneinsixtyseconds]

I met my wife on Match eleven years ago now. Not sure what it is like now, but it was ok then.

You do have to work harder as a man. Attractive women on any dating site get so many messages from men that are interested, most never need to do a search, just reply to ones that have messaged that catch their eye.

You won’t very often get a message out of the blue from anyone that’s a catch. Once you understand that, and get sending messages, it’s ok.

[AnotherGrey]

That's good to know, thanks.

[isleaiw1]

I might have a friend who is single and may have possibly used these sites. As Alex says he reckons they are generally pretty crap and you will either not get any messages or get them from women who you wouldnt look twice at, or who see you might have a few quid and fancy a free meal / holiday / whatever, or a slapper looking for a good time....

But in amongst that you might meet someone nice as he did before lockdown got in the way....

Match will try and fleece you to sign up for more, auto renew blah blah, he tells me, PoF is cheaper but as a result attracts a different customer base. I am told...

PS he is a bit older than you and definitely no catch so might work better for you. Helps if you like gym bunnies who run marathons as they all seem to - funny how most of the pics show them with wine though....

[AnotherGrey]

Originally Posted by isleaiw1

I might have a friend who is single and may have possibly used these sites. As Alex says he reckons they are generally pretty crap and you will either not get any messages or get them from women who you wouldnt look twice at, or who see you might have a few quid and fancy a free meal / holiday / whatever, or a slapper looking for a good time....

But in amongst that you might meet someone nice as he did before lockdown got in the way....

Match will try and fleece you to sign up for more, auto renew blah blah, he tells me, PoF is cheaper but as a result attracts a different customer base. I am told...

PS he is a bit older than you and definitely no catch so might work better for you. Helps if you like gym bunnies who run marathons as they all seem to - funny how most of the pics show them with wine though....

That doesn't sound great! I suppose that I should have guessed that Match would try and extract more cash once you have signed up. I do quite like gym bunnies as it happens, as long as they have a bit more to them than just that. Useful to know that PoF has a different customer base.

I wonder if your friend had the odd photo with an F90 in the background, or do gold diggers have a sixth sense for net worth?

Given what you have both said about having to send rather than receive messages, perhaps I could get away with having no profile photo, and just sending a couple of pics to those I message. Any idea if that's possible? Perhaps I'll put the G20 in the background so they don't expect expensive meals

[ciscopete822]

You need to have pics sir otherwise response will be very limited. Dont go that route. Have 5 or 6 nice pics , nothing showing your wealth etc. Create short bio describing you as a person. Something short and unique , dont copy from internet as girls will pick it up very fast. There is lots of scammers especially on sites like POF. Badoo and Tinder are the best. I am in my late 30s but was using those services few years back and results were fairly good.

Use filters , filter through age and other attributes. Dont fall for premium versions. For example on Badoo , you can delete account and they will try to keep you by offering premium package for 7 days free. Use that.

I cannot help with services like Match.com as never used them but .... Mother of my kid is with me thanks to Tinder 😉

[AnotherGrey]

Originally Posted by ciscopete822

You need to have pics sir otherwise response will be very limited. Dont go that route. Have 5 or 6 nice pics , nothing showing your wealth etc. Create short bio describing you as a person. Something short and unique , dont copy from internet as girls will pick it up very fast. There is lots of scammers especially on sites like POF. Badoo and Tinder are the best. I am in my late 30s but was using those services few years back and results were fairly good.

Use filters , filter through age and other attributes. Dont fall for premium versions. For example on Badoo , you can delete account and they will try to keep you by offering premium package for 7 days free. Use that.

I cannot help with services like Match.com as never used them but .... Mother of my kid is with me thanks to Tinder ��

Thanks for the advice, very interesting. I haven't heard of Badoo and I had always assumed that Tinder was for short-term relationships (of about 20 minutes ). Are there actually a fair few using Tinder to find long-term partners - even middle-aged people? I'll take a look at Badoo as well.

What kind of scammers are these on dating sites - any idea what to look out for?

[ciscopete822]

Originally Posted by AnotherGrey

Thanks for the advice, very interesting. I haven't heard of Badoo and I had always assumed that Tinder was for short-term relationships (of about 20 minutes ). Are there actually a fair few using Tinder to find long-term partners - even middle-aged people? I'll take a look at Badoo as well.

What kind of scammers are these on dating sites - any idea what to look out for?

Badoo is the best me think. Allows you to send pics in between users when you match 😁. Tinder is ok as well but no pics between users. I was mainly targeting middle aged women and Badoo was very good for that.

Both platform are good for long term relationships , just start using them and find your own ways / paatterns.

By scammers we mean gold diggers ( dont put anything expensive in your pics , avoid pics showing hairy chest and you are going to be fine. If you see that girl is too good looking to be true then you either talking to scammer or dude.

Give it some time , people normally expect 100s of messages a day but it doesnt work that way .... unless you are as shredded as Teaston is . Find 3 or 3 girls and concentrate your focus on them. Dont share numbers too quickly.

Good luck !

[isleaiw1]

Originally Posted by AnotherGrey

That doesn't sound great! I suppose that I should have guessed that Match would try and extract more cash once you have signed up. I do quite like gym bunnies as it happens, as long as they have a bit more to them than just that. Useful to know that PoF has a different customer base.

I wonder if your friend had the odd photo with an F90 in the background, or do gold diggers have a sixth sense for net worth?

Given what you have both said about having to send rather than receive messages, perhaps I could get away with having no profile photo, and just sending a couple of pics to those I message. Any idea if that's possible? Perhaps I'll put the G20 in the background so they don't expect expensive meals

No he wasnt that obvious - pics were holiday shots or daughters wedding as I understand it.....

Def have a few photos, will be ignored if not and you will find you do the same.

Gym bunny is what they say they do, but it doesnt always show. There is a definite propensity to exaggerate the excitement of life...

At wrong side of 50 meeting someone any other way was a challenge so I would give it a go, so my friend says, and if I was recommending I would say it might depend on what part of the world you are in but he reckons Match is the most likely to bring forward a decent catch.....

[ZedsRedBaby]

I've never used them as OH and I met the traditional way (in a pub, a bit pissed). Before that was pre-internet so it was small ads in the local paper (had a few good nights and a few horror stories, including one where I decided my best option was climbing out the window in the Gents).

Quite a few of my friends have met their partners on Match and a fair few of those are now married with kids. Obviously it's pot luck but I get the impression more people meet that way than in person these days, especially when you get a bit long in the tooth to do the pub/club scene.

I think the main thing, based on what I've been told, is be careful, and look for friendship rather than the love of your life. That way you're less likely to be disappointed but you might find the right person, or at least broaden your social circle.

Hope it works out for you.

[SantaEugence]

Have a female friend or a Male friend who's been single for a while and experienced with online dating to vet your profile, especially if you haven't been single for a while. Hopefully they'll point out any big no no's especially with photos or in your bio.

Main thing is quite often it's a numbers game, someone I know well, bit older than yourself, tried online dating (first time single in 40 years) he was immediately put off because the first person he spoke to/met either wasn't the one, or it wasn't mutual or they were just odd. You're probably going to message a fair few and maybe even meet a fair few before you find anyone decent or you're compatible with.

Also even at your age, tell someone where you're going if you meet anyone. It's not unheard of for people to arrange meet ups to rob or steal especially if they know you have a nice car. Although it's rare and normally happens more to the older chaps who decide to meet young girls (hence less likely to report it to the police) its something to be aware of.

Have you tried speed dating? Worth a go if you haven't before, much quicker to gauge if you're into someone than online dating.

Best of luck!

[Goneinsixtyseconds]

I wouldn’t go the route of the free ones. Match isn’t a scam, the decent ones have a subscription. It generally means the people you meet on them have jobs and aren’t going to take away from your life financially.

If I’m being totally up front I internet dated a lot before I met my wife, and I mean a LOT, probably met several hundred people over 5 or 6 years. At first I wasn’t looking to settle down as I’d just left a relationship that was hard work. I have tonnes of eyebrow raising stories, my second ever date was in Stockholm!

You get out of it what you put into it like most things. You have to put the effort in, but if you do it will be worth it. Met some great people, had a few medium term relationships, before I met my wife, settled down and had kids.

A few tips.....

Always speak on the phone before meeting. The written word doesn’t tell you enough.

Make sure they have more than one photo. If they only have one there’s usually a reason, anyone can get one good looking picture!

Don’t build it up too much in your mind before meeting, or let them build it up in theirs. Don’t call the first meeting a date, say you’re meeting up to see if you want to go on a date. It saves a little bit of stress having to let someone down if you’re not interested or if they’re not.

Meet up quickly, don’t chat for ages, whatever someone writes, or sounds like on the phone, your impression will change as soon as you meet them. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not!

Don’t meet as many people as I did. It’s not good for your mental health. Telling someone you’re not interested in a date after meeting is stressful to manage, even if you’ve managed expectations a little. And vice versa, it’s a bit disappointing if you meet someone and they’re not interested.

And reading some comments on here.....don’t get bitter if it doesn’t work out all the time, bitterness will show and it isn’t attractive to the opposite sex!

[R0B]

I met my wife in Tesco.

I'd asked her where the eggs were and she directed me. I walked off and thought she was very cute, but way too young. (She was). So I went back to her a few minutes later and asked where the beans were. She said: "You've walked past the beans to get back to me, what the fuck do you want?" At that point I knew she was the one for me. Something about an aggressive bird in blue-checked uniform that gave me a tingle in the trouser department. She wrote her number on the back of a bar code sticker. I text her later that night to ask if she wanted to meet for a coffee but with her being a minor she laughed and said she'd prefer a WKD blue instead. We met and did a significant amount of car park shagging and the rest as they say is history.

So, my advice is head to the supermarket.

My long-term girlfriend was a bit pissed off what with us having to sell the house so I could 'shack up with that 17 year old slut from Tesco' but it turned out to be well worth it.

I'm just not allowed to visit Tesco on my own in this relationship. Harriet at Waitrose on the other hand is lined up and ready to roll once lockdown is over.

[ZedsRedBaby]

Originally Posted by R0B

I met my wife in Tesco.

I'd asked her where the eggs were and she directed me. I walked off and thought she was very cute, but way too young. (She was). So I went back to her a few minutes later and asked where the beans were. She said: "You've walked past the beans to get back to me, what the fuck do you want?" At that point I knew she was the one for me. Something about an aggressive bird in blue-checked uniform that gave me a tingle in the trouser department. She wrote her number on the back of a bar code sticker. I text her later that night to ask if she wanted to meet for a coffee but with her being a minor she laughed and said she'd prefer a WKD blue instead. We met and did a significant amount of car park shagging and the rest as they say is history.

So, my advice is head to the supermarket.

My long-term girlfriend was a bit pissed off what with us having to sell the house so I could 'shack up with that 17 year old slut from Tesco' but it turned out to be well worth it.

I'm just not allowed to visit Tesco on my own in this relationship. Harriet at Waitrose on the other hand is lined up and ready to roll once lockdown is over.

LOL. I think I would've kept that to myself.

I fancied a shelf stacker in Tesco once. I asked her where the passata was. She said "Passarta?". I said "You like passarta and I like passata, You like tomahto and I like tomato.
Passarta, passata, tomahto, tomato, Let's call the whole thing off!"

She didn't get it so I moved on. Can't win em all.

[AnotherGrey]

Originally Posted by Goneinsixtyseconds

I wouldn’t go the route of the free ones. Match isn’t a scam, the decent ones have a subscription. It generally means the people you meet on them have jobs and aren’t going to take away from your life financially.

If I’m being totally up front I internet dated a lot before I met my wife, and I mean a LOT, probably met several hundred people over 5 or 6 years. At first I wasn’t looking to settle down as I’d just left a relationship that was hard work. I have tonnes of eyebrow raising stories, my second ever date was in Stockholm!

You get out of it what you put into it like most things. You have to put the effort in, but if you do it will be worth it. Met some great people, had a few medium term relationships, before I met my wife, settled down and had kids.

A few tips.....

Always speak on the phone before meeting. The written word doesn’t tell you enough.

Make sure they have more than one photo. If they only have one there’s usually a reason, anyone can get one good looking picture!

Don’t build it up too much in your mind before meeting, or let them build it up in theirs. Don’t call the first meeting a date, say you’re meeting up to see if you want to go on a date. It saves a little bit of stress having to let someone down if you’re not interested or if they’re not.

Meet up quickly, don’t chat for ages, whatever someone writes, or sounds like on the phone, your impression will change as soon as you meet them. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not!

Don’t meet as many people as I did. It’s not good for your mental health. Telling someone you’re not interested in a date after meeting is stressful to manage, even if you’ve managed expectations a little. And vice versa, it’s a bit disappointing if you meet someone and they’re not interested.

And reading some comments on here.....don’t get bitter if it doesn’t work out all the time, bitterness will show and it isn’t attractive to the opposite sex!

Good point about the subscription fee - I want someone who has their own job this time so being prepared to pay should weed out some of the sponges. I have spent too much of my life being the sole provider.

The rest sounds like excellent advice too. Really helpful to give this some proper thought before taking the plunge.

[Ashway]

Just read this thread with interest and God forbid I’m ever left on my own. We’ve just celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary this week, we were married at 21 having been an item since we were 16. I wouldn’t know where to start

[rokut]

Match.com lead me to meeting my wife. Met nearly 9 years ago, married 6 years. 2 x kids of 7.5yo and 5yo. Worked for me! Was bored of dating people in the same circle. TBH if I had been a good match or that bothered about any of them I would have already started a relationship, and I hadn't. So online dating it was. Some interesting dates, some that you just know won't work, but cool to meet brand new people!

[MashinBenzin]

Originally Posted by R0B

I met my wife in Tesco.

I'd asked her where the eggs were and she directed me. I walked off and thought she was very cute, but way too young. (She was). So I went back to her a few minutes later and asked where the beans were. She said: "You've walked past the beans to get back to me, what the fuck do you want?" At that point I knew she was the one for me. Something about an aggressive bird in blue-checked uniform that gave me a tingle in the trouser department. She wrote her number on the back of a bar code sticker. I text her later that night to ask if she wanted to meet for a coffee but with her being a minor she laughed and said she'd prefer a WKD blue instead. We met and did a significant amount of car park shagging and the rest as they say is history.

So, my advice is head to the supermarket.

My long-term girlfriend was a bit pissed off what with us having to sell the house so I could 'shack up with that 17 year old slut from Tesco' but it turned out to be well worth it.

I'm just not allowed to visit Tesco on my own in this relationship. Harriet at Waitrose on the other hand is lined up and ready to roll once lockdown is over.

Brilliant story

[Goneinsixtyseconds]

Originally Posted by MashinBenzin

Brilliant story

Amusing I agree, would be better if the phrase minor wasn’t used in reference to his future wife for me though. Just a small critique.

[335dMSport+]

The thought of being single and having to date again fills me with dread, so much so it keeps me married.

I do not envy you one bit mate and only wanted to wish you the best of luck.

[JustChris]

Originally Posted by 335dMSport+

The thought of being single and having to date again fills me with dread, so much so it keeps me married.

.

[AnotherGrey]

Originally Posted by 335dMSport+

The thought of being single and having to date again fills me with dread, so much so it keeps me married.

I do not envy you one bit mate and only wanted to wish you the best of luck.

Thanks. Being in this position has come as a complete shock to me having been together for almost half of our lives and I may have been deluding myself, but all appeared to be going well until very recently. It’s supposed to be men who have a mid-life crisis, but this has all the hallmarks of one on her part. With the benefit of hindsight she was clearly stressed about approaching the age of 50 and becoming increasingly obsessed with her looks and whether she was still attractive.

It probably doesn’t help that neither of her parents (or even grandparents) have ever held a long-term relationship together. This break-up may yet turn out to be a good thing in the long run, but that’s not how it feels right now.